DOC SCHTUM ON KING

Dr Leechman's hand isn't really that big, it's just perspective

The Royal Physician, Tenebraeus Leechman (42), refused to comment today on the state of the King's health following last weekend's attempted assassination.

Leechman had not been seen outside the Royal Castle since the King was injured during the attack, but today he was out visiting another patient when an unfortunate random accident involving two apple carts penned him in an alleyway. A passing Herald correspondent took the opportunity to ask him about the King.

"That's none of your business," snapped Leechman.

RESPONSIBLE

When it was put to him that the well-being of the Regent was the business of every one of his subjects, he replied that one of those subjects may well have been responsible for the King's current condition, so it was probably best for both parties if they kept a respectable distance from each other for the time being.

"No, I can't say when the King might appear again in public," said the Doctor, when asked when the King might next appear in public.

GOOD KICKING

"How is his mental health after the murder of his wife?" he then said, needlessly repeating the next question. "That you would even ask that sounds to me highly disrespectful to your monarch. The one thing I can tell you is that I shall be reporting this incident to Captain-of-the-Guard Rycke and if his men throw you in the castle cells and give you a good kicking, don't expect me to come down and help treat your wounds."

Once the apple carts were cleared, Leechman completed his house call and then returned to the Royal Castle. A Castle spokesman declined to provide any further comment on either the King's health or the Royal Physician's anger management issues.

By Casewick Essendine