Saturday, 12 January 2013

Football Report: Skinners Park vs Dunnell Utd

A good turn out at Hunters Yard as table-topping home team Skinners Park convincingly trounced visitors Dunnell Utd in this week's match at the Bloodstains.

Falconer was the big surprise, bagging a hat trick after managing only one goal all season prior to today. The third goal by Alren 'The Animal' Steward was a work of art as he took two of Dunnell's players off their feet before sending the ball past a bewildered looking goalie.

Dunnell's single goal was courtesy of their top scorer, Terryn Pelterer.

Few injuries this week. Skinners' Urdin Bailey was carried off at 35 mins with several broken bones after a particularly vicious tackle by Victor 'The Bastard' Boatman, who is notorious for targeting the ribs. Hector Picker targeted The Bastard with a cynical tackle midway through the second half, but Bailey wouldn't dish it out if he couldn't take it and played on.  

As the players left the pitch, fans invaded and mass violence ensured, which I approve of naturally. I even joined in. Headbutting Wilder Hills hunters for the win!

The aggro outside was mirrored by aggro in the changing huts. Boatman's brutalising of Bailey led to the town watch breaking up a confrontation between players. After everyone had calmed down and retired to the local tavern to lick their wounds and drink some mead, I asked Picker about the tackle. He told me 'Boatman is a smug bastard and needs taking down a peg or three. I'd put him out for good if I could.' Nice.

At the end of the day, serfs were washing down the pitch with buckets of water and brushes, proving the Bloodstains had once again lived up to its name. Only one death was reported, but it wasn't anyone important.

Remember folks, it's not taking part that matters, it's the taking someone out!

Rush Grathrock

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