Tuesday, 22 January 2013

Opinion: Magic is not for the Common Man

Inevitably, whenever our kingdom faces a time of trouble and trial, the usual blithering fools emerge from the woodwork. This time it’s Duke Kiekegaar Sanval who has added his unwanted opinion to the tumult.

Sanval calls for magic to be placed into the hands of the common people. Yes, you read that correctly, and believe me, I am experiencing the same hair-raising horror that such a suggestion brings forth. Some of the commoners in our city can barely be expected to take care of their own hygiene, let alone the majestic forces of the arcane and the elemental that we wizards have been graced with.


Sanval claims that magic itself is not the problem, that it is only dangerous in the hands of people. On this, Sanval and I agree. Magic is a beautiful, complex and enlightening art; it is not a cheap weapon and should not be treated as such. But isn’t this exactly the point? Magic is dangerous in the hands of people who would abuse it, or who do not have the intellect or the breeding to handle it properly. And Sanval wants us to put it into the hands of just anybody?


Sanval asks us what might have happened that night had magic-wielding common folk been present. Indeed, let us theorise. A large, palace-sized crater, smouldering in the night? The city overrun with talking mice? And that’s if we’re lucky. Imagine some of the older elemental forces in the hands of the guttersnipes – imagine what things might be drawn from the infernal dimensions. By Numerion’s Great Beard, it doesn’t bear thinking about!


My dear Sanval, I beg you to bestow a little more of your great wisdom upon us. What other equalities should we be extending to the common folk? Should we arm them with the finest Olverym steel, perhaps? Train them all in the arts of assassination? Teach them to read?! Will you be handing over your own gold to educate them in the magical arts? Ha! I think not.

Or perhaps what our dear Duke really wants is for magic to be accessible to him? A well-placed glamour spell or two would certainly take care of that rather unfortunate nose. Or is he after a cure-all potion for his legendary hangovers? A wit-enhancer? A sarcasm detector?

I am sure the Herald’s readers are quite capable of seeing Duke Sanval’s opinions for what they really are: the ineffectual bleating of a short-sighted and rather silly man.

Hieronymous Finnigan

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