Football Report: Bloodwater FC vs Baselard Park

The Bloodwater Pirates clashed with Baselard Park with home advantage going to the Pirates at the Quartermaster's Cavern. It's an intimidating venue for visitors - a vast natural cavern deep in the guts of a sheer cliff, holding more pirates than a civilised country can bear, watching on from countless cracks, crevices and shadows.

The Baselard 'Urchins', two time winners of the Sovereign League, are notoriously violent and aggressive players. Coming up against one of the most brutal teams in the league in the Pirates, newer fans may have been expecting a bloodbath. They will have been disappointed.

FAMED FOR THEIR VIOLENCE

Older fans know these two teams share a grudging mutual respect. Both are famed for their violence. Almost every crime recognised in the five kingdoms can be found on the records of the men who populate these teams' rosters.

The Pirates are mostly made up men, press-ganged after a night imbibing too much mead, who found their sea legs weren't so great. But even seasick pirates don't get to go home. The only place they're welcome is in the hive of scum and villainy that is Port Bloodwater and the welcome they get involves fists and knives and getting relieved of whatever scant possessions they have left... unless they can play football.

The Urchins are the 'other' Royal City team, the one cobbled together on the back streets from hungry kids and desperate men. They have scratched, bitten and beaten their way into the team and as long as they stay in the league they can eat.

POOR SUCKERS

So while the match saw lots of small injuries and scuffles there was nothing serious this weekend. Even when Staeven Peddler of the Pirates was injured by Dunn 'Gritter' Grelldike in the 80th minute, he was able to carry on. I expect all that pent up aggression will be taken out on the next poor suckers to face either team. I look forward to that. Ha.

The match was a one-all draw with Baselard scoring on the 24th minute thanks to Nadeer Booksmith. Bloodwater evened the score late in the second half with Lidorn Hooker's tidy shot on 78 minutes. The Quartermaster's Cavern was as usual rammed to capacity, with just shy of fifty thousand fans hollering and heckling.

Those disappointed with the lack of on-pitch action won't have been disappointed with the post-game party. Win or lose, everyone goes wild and tears the town apart. But this is Port Bloodwater, and come morning no one will be able to tell the difference.

Remember, sports fans, Football is not a sport, it's not a religion, it's not life or death, it's far more serious than that.

Rush Grathrock